BLOG CREWS!!

Because I've amassed blogcrews, I've decided to move them from my main points and INSTEAD post them here. All the ones I've joined are BEHIND THE CUT.

( See all the blogcrews HERE )

THIS JOURNAL IS MODERATED.

That means that:
※ Some journal entries are FRIENDS ONLY.
※ Some entries are very much FANGIRLING over: ガゼット、　雅　－ｍｉｙａｖｉ－、　Ｄｉｒ　ｅｎ　ｇｒｅｙ、　アリス九號、　and pretty much any other band I like.
※ Some entries are filled with cam whoring.
※ Some entries are filled with talk about my college classes (this is my college).
※ Other entries are filled with nonsense.

THIS IS ALSO A WRITING JOURNAL.
※ I write lots of yaoi.
※ I write a lot of fanfiction
※ I write lots of other fiction with OCs that I have created.
※ I post writing prompts from my classes that I think I've done well on.

If all this doesn't bother you, add me and comment here, and I'll add you back.

So i figured that it would be a good idea to tell you guys about what happened with my health and let you know that I'm fine ♥ ♥

So we went to the doctors, and she looked over my results - and then told me for sure that I did not have diabetes. The reason that my glucose was so high was because they made me drink something that would have worked with a normal person's system, but didn't with mine.

The reason that it didn't work was because I'm something called "insulin resistant" or that I have "metabolic syndrome". Wiki has a pretty concise explanation here and here.

So, pretty much, all the people that have done blood tests of me in previous years and just ignored my super high insulin levels could have kept me from so much agony just by telling me that I wasn't just fat, that I was actually had something that prevented me from losing the weight.

So what we came up with, my wonderful doctor and I (her name is Makiko Ogino and we speak Japanese in my visits sometimes, which is super fun), is that I should diet and exercise with the help of:


Alli!

The website says that it works this way:
"The active ingredient in alli attaches to some of the natural enzymes in the digestive system, preventing them from breaking down about a quarter of the fat you eat. Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally."

But I can't just eat myself to death, and eat whatever I want without the consequences. I have to eat a low-fat diet and watch my caloric, carb, fat, and sodium intake. I keep track of what I eat online, and it tells me how many calories and other things I have left to eat. It works well for me, because I don't eat a lot as it is, and this really made me look at what I eat.

For example, like, a packet of Ramen - that's one meal for me, I can't eat anything else. It sucks, but at the same time it really makes you look at what you're eating. My mom is doing it with me, because we both want to lose weight, so it really helps to have someone doing it with me ...

So I'm okay, I'm not diabetic, but at least I have a name for what's wrong with me :D

( all about me meme ♥ )

I know that a long time ago I promised people pictures of my house and my room and stuff, and I finally took some and transferred them to my computer!

( camwhore~! )

so i went to my doctor's last thursday.

she made me go for blood tests the next day, to see whether I have PCOS (which i thought I did) diabetes ... lots of stuff.

got my results back yesterday.

my insulin levels were 200 - normal people are supposed to be at about 17. which means that I might be insulin resistant.

but my glucose levels were also super high - which means i might have type II diabetes.

so tomorrow, i'm going to see her again, to see what she thinks we should do ...

being insulin resistant would explain a lot of things - my weight, my acne, my skin problems, the PCOS-like symptoms ... but we'll see.

so i won't be very active for a while.

OKAY SAID MY NEXT ENTRY WOULD BE PIC SPAM
confirm lie, sorry.

THIS RANT POST LA!

no seriously, it's all rant, confirm next post = happy.
promise promise.
i am not all fart and no shit ...

anyway.

people are so blur like fuck lately, let me tell you reasons.

number one
i am so sick of people telling me that i am fat.
not cool not cool.
i know i am, shut up.
don't kau peh, la.
nag nag nag
that's all i hear about it hor, don't tell me that ...
not an effing idiot.
i have a fucking disease that makes me unable to lose weight.
you go criticize someone with diabetes la?
they can't help it, unless they ate themselves to it.
i inherit what i have, not my fault.

number two
sick of people telling me to find job also.
looking for one confirm and guarantee, all the time!
you try finding job in economic recession.
i tell you damn chor lor, man!
not cool that all i hear is "get job"
wah lau, it makes me damn tired li dat.
my old job is dumb, didn't take me back ...
fucking liars, confirm.
told me for sure i would come back,
and look - i'm not, still looking for another job!
cannot make $$$ on blogging in US.

number three
GOT CHEATED OUT OF $34 BY PHONE SELLER!!!!!
this is exact phone/setup by SAME SELLER:
click here
EXACT SAME!
got phone ...
overjoyed!
get setup ...
CANNOT USE PHONE EARPIECE!!!!
doesn't work!!!!
must use stupid yuppie earbud to hear conversations
i email seller ...
say that was FINE WHEN SENT, cannot refund!
KAN NI NA BU CHAO CH**BYE!!!!!!!!!!!
bullshit bullshit.


and then i go to talk to my mom, ask if borrow a tray table so that i could type ...
because my desk is full of shit, from move out ...
say no.
'dad will have a fit.'
WHY FIT LA?
'because you have a desk.'
DESK HAS COMPUTER, BOOKS, PENS ON!
'he'll tell you to clean it, otherwise i'd let you take one.'
FUCK LA!
not fair ....
he rules this house, no leeway at all.
everything is HIS RULES, NOTHING ELSE.
it's not fair.

fucking hope he dies, we get insurance money ...
need death to be slow and painful, don't have to put up with him anymore.
fucking bastard, only good thing he ever gave me was a bed to sleep in.
otherwise, gave nothing ...
doesn't even want to help pay for my education.
he's so bakero, gonna show him up someday.

i feel better after rant la.
anyway, promise that next entry = pic spam.

well i have a new layout!!!

it's the boys of 棒棒堂 (bàng bàng táng); they're also known as Lollipop. I LOVE THEM. Their music rocks.
My favorite of the group is Prince - you can see him on my blogger layout right here because i just adore him.

I rather like this coding in general, I've always liked this one. I might just continue to edit this coding ...

I'm getting to all the other journals that I haven't read, because I've been really busy with moving back in + trying to find a new job and get a new phone.

(phone problem is solved, btw. IT IS PINK!!!! will post photo when get.)

and the next post i going to be a pic spam, because I don't think that you guys have seen my abode (aside from Kitsu) so I took some pictures of it and of my animals. :D

tomorrow, college is over.
tomorrow, i move out.
tomorrow, i move back home.
tomorrow, i lose my freedom.
tomorrow, i return to my cage.
tomorrow, i return to my tormentor.
tomorrow, i will miss people.
tomorrow, a new chapter will begin.
tomorrow, a new life beings.
tomorrow, i'm done with things.
tomorrow, i come clean.
tomorrow, i will conquer.
tomorrow, i will fall.
tomorrow, i will miss and be missed.
tomorrow, i will cry.
tomorrow, i will laugh.
tomorrow, i will smile.
tomorrow, things will not get the better of me.

i am tomorrow.

word count: 1,276

sister piece for:
i remember.
time Time TIME

it bridges the gap and it's a fictionalized, but suffice to say most of it happened but not in this setting.

no other real updates here.
( b r i d g i n g the gap )

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i hate my life right now.

hate
undying
hate

right
fucking
now.

argghhhh
argghhhhhhh

that's about how I feel right now, I'm so WORN. OUT.

university is totally ... kicking my ass. I should be doing 2 sections of math work but eh.
I can do it later.
I think I want to make a new layout for this blog. I love D'espa, don't get me wrong ...
but I need something BRIGHT
and
HAPPY
wheeee happy.

(oh man this show I'm watching is a rerun D: time to turn off the TV and put on some music.)

-sings-
You waste time like a grandfather clockkkkk
( Watch the video here - The Myriad's 'Grandfather clock' )
<3

I have decided that once my hair grows out, I'm going to get an "emo cut" but not really - just a little. so that I can wear skinny little headbands and poof my hair out. yeah. you know.

anyway.

i have no motivation to do anything that might result in good things. You know what I mean?
I just have no ... oomph.
yeah.
that's the word.
oomph.

I'm not really apathetic, not yet, anyway.
i just can't wait for tomorrow afternoon to come around - and not have classes or anything to worry about until MONDAY.
that's what I need.

i need this weekend laxity to arrive, and arrive fast.
I have some new pictures for you guys.
but uh
yeah, I'm kind of ... not up to putting them online until I can steal wireless internet from naperville tomorrow, because just my luck, i'd go over the effing bandwidth using my dorm internets ... ew.

i feel like things are just not going my way lately.
i pretty much got told by the one guy i love (taka, if you've been keeping track) that he can't really be with me. ever. even though he loves me, he doesn't want his parents to be like "oh you're dating a white girl D<" so uh yeah. and he's worried that his job'll find out, and that'll be hell for him, i know. so uh yeah. and he also told me that even though he'll be in japan when I'm there, he's not going to be able to see me, because of his job and his friends et cetera et cetera. so my heart's crushed and i've been eating my way through all the food in my dorm because I'm all depressed. fucking men.

whatever. and the friends that I have in japan aren't going to be able to see me for the same reasons, because they're in the entertainment industry and they don't know where they'll be ... even Okan said that he probably wouldn't (read: can't) see me while I was there. goddamn all are my friends secretly douchebags?

argh.

i'm going to go make a new layout for this to make myself feel better.

Inspired by The Ataris' cover of Boys of Summer ...

My love will be strong, because 【CLAIMHERE】 is my boy of summer
( Claim here! )

First blog crew!!

【CLAIM HERE】 is my D R E A M S I C L E this summer
( Claim here! )

... and not a flavored bottle to drink.

it's been raining like an SOB for the past couple of days, and it's finally ceased raining. now, though, it's hot and kind of humid. hurray. may 1st, and it's hot and humid. boo. i don't like humid.

well, what's been going on in my life lately ...
hmm.

i have another speech on Wednesday, and I think it's going to be all right. It's a "visual aid" speech, so at least I have that going for me. This speech is going to be:
"To inform my audience about modern trends in American tattooing."
I'm going to focus on Oriental, text-based, and tribal tattoos.
I've found a lot of shit on it, so I should do all right. well, that's what I think, at least :3

Japanese is going swimmingly. I'm doing well on the exams, and the material is being ingrained into my memory.

Math. Math is math. I have an exam on Friday, I should do all right. It's on factorials and whatnot, so at least I know that ... we'll see, though, like I said. It all depends on how it goes. I'm more comfortable with this material than I was with the last bunch, so hopefully I won't bomb out and get screwed.

and my fake english course, well. it's a fake english course, how can you go wrong?

I GOT TO CHOOSE MY COURSES FOR NEXT YEAR!!
Not including those for study abroad :D

Here's what I want to take:
Winter Term
SOA 205 - Intro to Physical Anthropology
REL 315 - Buddhism
JPN 202 - Intermediate Japanese II
HST 263 - Japanese History

Spring Term
REL 265 - Religions of Japan
JPN 203 - Intermediate Japanese III
EAS 292 - Topics in Japanese Culture

Hopefully I'll get in :3 I can't register until the 8th of May, though. Hopefully all the slots won't get taken~~~!
If they are - I don't know what I'll do D:
I'll get waitlisted, and THEN I'll have to go to the class and try to get in. There is a jumbo of the SOA class - 6pm to 10pm in spring term - so if I can't get in the class winter, I'll try for spring :D

All of my classes for fall term will be chosen while I'm at a study abroad orientation, and those are set - Japanese 201, Chinese 101, Global Study Seminar, and Topics in Japanese and Chinese Culture. I'm not looking forward to the GSS course, because it's going to be about business blah blah blah and I really don't care about business. Haha.

ANYway.

I think we're going to go eat lunch soon. I think I'll update again more about things ... later.

All I have to say:

I love the mountains
I love the clear blue skies
I love big bridges
I love when great whites fly
I love the whole world
And all it's sights and sounds
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
I love the ocean
I love real dirty things
I love to go fast
I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world
And all it's craziness
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
I love tornadoes
I love arachnids
I love hot magma
I love the giant squids
I love the whole world
It's such a brilliant place
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah
Boom di ah dah

WATCH IT. NOW.

God, I love the Discovery Channel.

( WATCH IT. CLICK. )

oh godddddd i have missed posting on ye old LJ.
i had no computer this weekend (because I went home, and for some reason my desktop has no internets?) and I have also been REALLY FUCKING BUSY for some reason! what the hell, real life, you're keeping me from my online life. goddammit.

aaaaaanyway.
i have been writing papers, and papers, and doing japanese work, and reading depressing books for class, and joining ... BLOG CREWS~! i love blog crews :D

and writing. but, i am always writing, i never stop ... I had another idea for a writing piece, but no one ever reads what I write so I don't know if it's worth it.

this journal also needs a new layout. I think I'll do that once I'm finished here ... writing out this entry.

OMG OMG OMG OMG
-fangirls-
DO YOU KNOW WHAT STARTS TONIGHT?
DEADLIEST CATCH STARTS TONIGHT BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED
I MIGHT PEE MYSELF

i love that show. I have such loyalty to the boats~
THE NORTHWESTERN IS MY FAVORITE!
The F/V Northwestern
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
you have no idea ...
i love Sig ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
if he wasn't old and married ...
yeah.

my next favorite boat happens to be the Cornelia Marie
(F/V Cornelia Marie)
because Phil (the captain) is such a DOUCHEBAG and I think that's why I love him, he tells it like it is no matter who he's talking to ... yeah, he's pretty effing amazing.
and then the Time Bandit
(F/V Time Bandit)
because Johnathan is pretty amazing as well~~~

OMFG.
I LOVE THEM.
an excerpt from my newspaper article:
"All this exposure has made unlikely heroes of some of the fishermen, especially a few of the captains: Sig Hansen of the Northwestern, who has the brooding, blond appeal of an aging Norwegian rock singer; Johnathan Hillstrand of the Time Bandit, who cultivates a sort of biker look: mullet, backward baseball cap, leather USA jacket and ostrich-skin cowboy boots; and the Cornelia Marie's skipper, Phil Harris, gravelly voiced, tattooed and irascible."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
oh i love their description of Sig.
original here.

Also:
( Cornelia Marie comic )
yeahhhhhh.
i am very obsessed with this show ... i love it.
if i wasn't a chick, and so crippled, i would try and crab.
but - i am both of those things, so.

and i told my mom about some shirts on the Northwestern site - especially one that says "SHUT UP AND FISH" in big letters on the back (it's one of Sig's famous phrases) and she hinted that she might buy it for me ... I would be in HOG HEAVEN. HOG. FUCKING. HEAVEN.

-sighs-
okay, fangirling over.
uhhhhh I should go write my speech before changing the layout.
yeahhhhh I really should.
end of entry ♥

( Pic spam here here )

( Meme here )

the phrase "he's a douchebag" has pretty much ... described my week so far. :D
hooray for failure!

i failed to cement my place on relationships with this guy that likes me, and now he thinks that i would consider going out with him ... not true not true! won't even contemplate it, let me tell you, i want nothing to do with him romantically. he's pretty ... undateable, actually.

like, one of those guys that's all right to be friends with, but - to date? no way, not happening, never will. i don't lead him on but he still like ... tries to get with me, which is why i am here in IL and he is a couple states away :D he can't get to meeeee. maybe i'll change my address ... yeah.

(not really, for those of you that have my address - i'm just being a shit.)

omgggg my friends and i are planning on going swimming at the campus pool at 9, but it seems to be taking fucking forever to come! (it's about 830 right now) and we're all like "SWIMMINGGGGGGGG" because we're all trying to get fit and lose weight, so Monday, Wednesday, Thursday we're swimming, and Tuesday we're doing Taebo. Oh and thursday we're also doing whatever video Shannon (another person in my dorm) can come up with .........

900 cannot come quick enough. I am like ... desperate for physical activity, and to lose weight. and, the way we're doing it, we have the weekend 'off' but, normally, we're out doing things, so it doesn't really matter anyway, haha!!

it's also actually been a little bit warm here - it's going to be 50-ish all week long, hooray~! i really miss spring and summer, i can't wait until they're here in FULL SWING BEBEH~

not that you guys need to know this, but
i'm still kind of lonely relationship-wise ... i need someone to talk to and love, constantly -needy-
but
idk
i just like having someone to snuggle with ♥


( Music meme under cut! )

so on saturday (3/15) for some reason, firefox (mozilla firefox)was not loading ...
at all.
like it would not log me in to ANYTHING
and I just could not figure it out.
and then, opera (opera browser) was not loading, either ...
THEN
MSN AND AIM REFUSED TO WORK.

so i did the fancy "system restore" thing, and Opera worked.
BUT NOT FIREFOX
AND NOT MSN OR AIM.
(which, btw, talk to me on, i like talking to people)

So i restored to an earlier point ... like the middle of January.
and nothing happened D:

so i loaded FF onto my 320GB portable harddrive, and the same with opera.
then, opera worked FINE
but FF was still being a douche.

THEN
THEN
other programmes stopped working ...

So i had to re-install Vista onto my laptop, and get all my programmes back onto the damn thing.
I also still do not have Word 2007 on my computer ... it's driving me CRAZY.

BUT
I got SAFARI! (Safari browser).
I love it~
It's like, iTunes-type layout, but it's soo awesome and loads so much quicker.
I'm not going to re-download FF, i have opera to code in.
(I can also always test on the lounge computers as well, haha.)

ah well, it's working quicker than normal, and i like that.
however, i need to get my tablet hooked back up haha.

i can't draw because i need to get all the software loaded back up.

OMG RANDOM FACEMARK!
(´∀`)_┳※･････････････････････････(;ﾟﾛﾟ)･･･････････

best facemark EVAR



family rant time
"blah blah blah blah"
that's pretty much all i hear from my father lately ...
like, i just stop listening ...
because all i hear is "blah blah blah"
and make this face at him behind his back:
o((＞ω＜o))((o＞ω＜))o

anyway.
like, yesterday, i was still fixing my computer
and he comes up to me, after dinner
and tells me to wash the dishes, even though my mom had told me not to ...
and i told him so, but he didn't care, told me to do them anyway.
so i said, 'yeah, let me finish this up'
and he said okay ...
but then, walked up to me like 4 minutes later,
'i told you to do the dishes! you haven't even started!'
and i said, 'well, i am nearly done, you said that i could finish'
and he nodded, and told me to hurry up ...
BUT THEN
CAME IN LIKE
A MINUTE LATER
SIGHING AND HUFFING AND SHIT
AND SAID LOUD AND OBNOXIOUSLY
'ANY TIME NOW!'

wtf, did you not just say that i could finish?

crazy fucking bastard.

anyway.
i don't have much else to say. I'm rather bored without tablet abilities ...

well apparently, everything right now is my fault.

firefox and half of the other shit on my laptop is refusing to load,and my mom can't find the disk for it.

so, apparently, i took it to school with me (even though I KNOW that i didn't)
so until i find that, i don't want to be online.

fuck it, nothing ever goes right.

so my friends gave me a box, a mailing box.
it was flat
so i bent it
and put it on my head.
(this all happened last night)
so i was sitting around
doing nothing
when i got a BRILLIANT IDEA :D
"I HAVE A WHITE BOX.
I SHOULD DECORATE IT!"
so uh.
i decorated it~!
15 points if you can tell me the song written on the box~

it's my last real set of classes tomorrow ... finals on monday D:
but then i go home on tuesday ... TUESDAY YAAAAY
i think that I have to put gas in my car. hmmm.
before I leave for going home, at least :D

that's all I have to say about today :D

so first off, I have a new hair style!
It's much more radical than previous ones ....
I went to a cancer benefit for one of my mom's workmates, Eric.
He has a rare form of bone cancer, and he had just had his foot amputated about two weeks earlier; they think that they caught it in time, but they still want to do the chemotherapy for him.
So, I made them a bet that they couldn't raise $500 for me to do what everyone else was doing ...
they did.
so here's what I look like now!



is this not fabulous?  i think that it is.
lol.

so life!
life is hectic~
it's week 9 of 10, we have one more left ... there's still time to fuck shit up for my grades, but I don't think that I'm doing so bad <3
i'm working on one of my last biology projects, which is taking up most of my life right now.  it's on eco-tourism, which is like countries preserving the rainforest by admitting tourists, and if it's good or not.  it's boring, but simple ... lots of reading.

i'm single still, and my ring isn't back yet D:
we'll see what happens.

I went shopping today~
milk, cheese, monster, reese's peanut butter cup eggs, dry erase markers <3
all things that a college student requires to live alone for another week :3
haha.
not really.
eat healthy, kids, don't eat like me ....

and my magazines were shipped yesterday :3
just my luck they won't get here until I leave for break, and I'll have to wait an extra 10 days to come and collect them haha.
that's usually how my life works ...
oh well
i'll still get them, that's what matters.
i can't wait until my CD GETS HERE, THOUGH~
I AM SO EXCITED~
cannot WAIT for first press, haha.
(will post scans if possible :3)

oh.
yeah.
so taka and i.
are like,
OFFICIALLY
never going to get together.

i called him back last night after he left a message on my phone ...
and he and I had a really long talk
about the differences in our lives, and how
even when I'm in Japan
it'll be really difficult to see each other, and he doesn't know where's he'll be at the time
which i get.
so we've decided that we're just too different from how we used to be
and that it would never really work out,
we'd always be at odds with each other over certain things ...
which is totally true.
he'd want to go out, i'd want to stay in
he wants kids, i don't
i want stability, he likes to adventure ...
he's moved like, 3 times in the past year
and he travels all over the place for his job, with no guarantee that i'd be able to come with.
i love him, but i don't want a life like that ...
it sounds fun at the beginning, but ...
not in the long run.
<3
maybe someday.
you never know.